I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
