she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
