im drinking this country out of the recession.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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