i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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