he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
