i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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