They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
