worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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