Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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