Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
