He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
