need another drink. this is the easiest way
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
