im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
