thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize