dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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