I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
