I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
