how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
