you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
