Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I want is dick and wine.