i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.