you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina