the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.