Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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  (480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i
  Replies (14) Good night (1969) Bad night (628)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Because men are children

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Touche

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  (832): Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child! (864): Because men are children (832): Touche http://tfl.nu/qtuf
  Replies (217) Good night (1573) Bad night (3688)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.

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  (215): Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement. http://tfl.nu/3rgn
  Replies (25) Good night (4921) Bad night (1567)
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  (+91): View more from India

  I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.

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  (+91): I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin. http://tfl.nu/d09o
  Replies (7) Good night (2927) Bad night (1342)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl

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  (703): I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl http://tfl.nu/f1pk
  Replies (7) Good night (1297) Bad night (2190)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

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  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (2046) Bad night (1167)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"

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  (479): This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!" http://tfl.nu/9tko
  Replies (26) Good night (1076) Bad night (1839)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything

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  (781): Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe (617): Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything http://tfl.nu/wlv3
  Replies (12) Good night (2171) Bad night (772)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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  (270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82
  Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (548)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (702) Bad night (1460)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

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  (413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5
  Replies (5) Good night (1252) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1425) Bad night (472)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it

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  (276): She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it http://tfl.nu/zw5c
  Replies (3) Good night (339) Bad night (785)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.

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  (417): People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty. http://tfl.nu/m1l5
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (299)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void

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  (416): Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void http://tfl.nu/u0o0
  Replies (6) Good night (276) Bad night (492)

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