This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
