she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..