Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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