I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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