Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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