Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
