last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
