Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone shattered a urinal.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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