she peed on how many people?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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