The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
