My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
