Pants 0. Shit 1.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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