$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
