dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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