Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Randomize
