I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
