I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
