I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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