i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
