You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
