the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
