My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
