Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
