I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
