This is not my ceiling
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
