I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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