Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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