end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
MIDGETS
????
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
