so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize