Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
