i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
