dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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