I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
