I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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