Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
