Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
