I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
