Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
