nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
