I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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