she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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