So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
