he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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