Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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