just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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