Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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