my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
