Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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