i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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