Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
