Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
