She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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