I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to make out with him forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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