Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
