she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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