dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
