Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
