I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
