Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
