I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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