everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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