Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
