Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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