areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
