fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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