I'm so fucking centered right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
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May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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