I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
